When I was on holiday, there was a charity day held at work. These happen fairly regularly, and there are often pretty good prizes raffled off, either donated by the company we work for, or from local companies.

Yesterday, while looking for something in my desk I came across a card from the local hairdressing and beauty salon (the place I used to go to when I lived close by, it is very expensive and quite snooty).

“What’s this?”

“Oh, yeah,” says ONB, “I forgot to tell you, you know that £5 you gave me before you went away to enter you in the raffles? Well, you won a prize.”

I opened it. It was a manicure. Bugger. I hate manicures. Anything else would have been great.

“I laughed,” said Krazy K, “because you said before you went that you would be happy with any prize apart from the manicure.”

Well, today was another charity day (luckily the woman who normally does all the organising has been off sick (well, not luck for her) so we haven’t had much hype leading up to today). I gave the voucher back to the organiser. “Add this to the prizes for the Children in Need raffle, I don’t want it, it might as well be used to help raise more money.”

Well, seems like someone decided that I deserved to be recompensed for this nice gesture. Today I won again. Only this time I have won a ticket for tomorrow’s rugby match at the Millennium Stadium, in the companies hospitality box. Free food. Free drink. A fantastic view of men in tight, tight shorts, with nice arses and chunky thighs.

LELI - go home in 4 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!! great, but not really as I have not planned anything - may go to the gym now-

Me - Fancy a beer?

Me - unless you fancy getting the bus to mine after you’ve been to the gym, and helping me drink some of my wine (not much Italian wine’ I’m afraid)

LELI - what about sunday ? today I’ll call my parent and have a early night - not feel very sociable

Me - Sunday will be better - give me chance to tidy up the house! Oh, and my cat is staying with me (I know you don’t like them) but she is a big scaredy cat, so you most likely won’t even see her!

LELI - can we eat him/her?

see you sunday , and enjoy the ruby

My first thought was, “How does he know I am having a curry for dinner?” before realising he had missed a ‘b’ out.

My second thought was, “He is suggesting eating my pussy again!”

Me - I could say something very rude there, but might be best not to. See you Sunday.

He didn’t reply.

Again the early start didn’t happen (we planned to leave at 8, in the end didn’t leave until 10.30). But today was exciting - we were off wine tasting in the Hunter Valley!

Against the advice of, well, everyone, we hadn’t bothered booking anything. We just decided to head on over, and see what happened. We got to a tourist information place around 1 o’clock, where they gave us the time table for one of the bus tours, and then told us to look on the board where there were offers on hotels for that night. We picked one pretty much at random, because it was cheap ($99 for the night), and the nice lady booked us in over the phone, and gave us directions.

We headed to the ‘hotel’, which turned out to be fantastic! For the $99 (which turned up on my credit card bill for £42) we got two enormous rooms, two double beds, a huge bathroom, a kitchenette (with wine in the fridge!) and SE’s favourite, a television (he doesn’t have one at home).

We grabbed a sandwich at the local general store, then headed to the road to wait for the bus as it was due along in 5 minutes. Fifteen minutes later and it still hadn’t turned up, so SE rings the number on the timetable. “He’s on his way,” he said as he snapped the phone shut.

Two minutes later, this minibus turns up, empty but for the driver. Turns out he had one other couple out for wine-tasting, who he had left at the olive taster place, which is where he took us. They also had wines there. The driver became our taxi-driver for the afternoon - basically asking us where we wanted to go, and taking all four of us off to some of the wine places he thought were nice. We fitted in four in two hours. We were a little widdled.

Back at the hotel place at 4, SE was in his element because he could come over all manly and commandeer the remote control. He made me watch a film. Well, I watched most of it, over the top of the book I was reading.

Then we went for dinner at the place attached to the complex. We had no choice, both of us too drunk to drive. We were a little apprehensive, since this restaurant was in the middle of nowhere, and catering for the drunks who like us had no choice.

We were wrong.

It turned out to be the best meal we had the whole holiday - the food was fantastic, the wine was pretty good, it was a bit quiet (it being Monday and I think there were only two other guests staying), but I would definitely recommend it to anyone going.

So much for the early start. Could have been worse, would have not had the kebab!

We didn’t pick up the hire car until 12.30, and we headed straight off to Manly Beach. It was such a beautiful day, sunny with blue skies, but also a breeze to stop it from being too hot. Pretty much perfect. In our rush out in the morning both of us hadn’t thought to bring swimming costumes, or even anything to sit on on the beach, so just sat on the steps for a while, soaking up the atmosphere.

On the beach was this bloke who managed to catch both mine and SE’s eye. Probably because he was (I said *was*, not *had*) the biggest nob on the beach - and bore and incredible resemblance to Dancing Boy from the previous night. He was with a bunch of friends, who were all lying on the beach, soaking up the rays. This guy had to stand up, show off his beeyootiful tan, against his tight, tight white shorts. Which were obviously uncomfortable, considering the attention he paid in making them comfortable. Over and over again.

We then walked along the walkway, to another beach, where we had an icecream before walking back.

On the way back I saw this 2 foot long lizard just sunning himself on the rocks. I stopped, and grabbed in my bag for my camera. I moved over to the fence, slowly, so as not to scare the lizard away.

The little beaty even posed for me. “Look, he posing,” I said to SE, turning my head slightly.

Erm.

I turn around fully. SE is about 10 feet away, back against the cliff. “What are you doing?” I asked. “He looks dangerous to me, he’s a bit big.”

Big puff.

Then after lunch we drove around a bit, SE had the map so I couldn’t say most of the places we went to. We did visit Palm Beach, which is the location for Summer Bay in Home and Away, but can’t say it reminded me of much (it having been years since I watched it anyway).

We stopped at a big beer garden place SE had read about in one of the guide books. It wasn’t that exciting, the food was fairly indifferent, but the views were pretty good.

Saturday I got to meet the lovely Rosa! We met up near Paddy’s market, and went for a drink in the food hall. She disappeared briefly, and came back bearing a gift. Just for me. To always remember her by.

A lovely kangaroo testicle bottle opener.

I could tell we were going to get on.

I had lied to SE, saying I had met her in a Yahoo chat room, since I don’t want to know I write a blog, and that he is mentioned (and also find out my nickname for him…..). We just hung out, wandered around the market (where I excitedly found the card making stall and bought kangaroo, koala and map of Australia punches). Then we went off for ice-creams once again in Darling Harbour.

Then we wandered along to where SE and I would be getting a ferry, seeing a nice old boat moored there.

Rosa and I also had a good laugh at SE’s (in)ability to read a timetable, while we watched two ferries come and go in the belief that there would be another one along in 10 minutes. Rosa also confided in me that SE was indeed cute, and very endearing in his crumpled state.

The ferry finally came, and we said our goodbyes (boo hoo, still I can meet her again next time I visit!). SE and I headed off to Balmain, with a view from another angle of the bridge.

We were headed off to a barbecue at one of SE’s British friend - held in honour of Guy Fawkes Night. SE refused to take a map, had some very sketchy scribbled directions, and assured me his nose would find us the right house.

After about 30 minutes of walking, and the discovery that not all the roads had signs, he had to admit defeat and call one of his friends to come and find us.

He was a bit upset that his nose hadn’t found us the right house. However, upon arriving at the correct address, the reason for this became apparent. It was no barbecue. It was just nibbles.

SE and I had had a couple of slices of toast for breakfast. Then ice-cream with Rosa. And nothing else.

Oh, as well as the nibbles there was Pimms, sangria, lots of red wine and beer.

We got very a little bit drunk. Luckily so did everyone else.

And what a small world it really is. There was another British couple at the party. I recognised the accent as South Coast, and asked where they had come from. It turns out that they used to work for the same company I did when I lived there, and the bloke knew loads of people I had dealings with in his department, and he knew loads of people I worked with in my department, but somehow our paths had never crossed. Until I visit Australia, of course.

Around 11, we moved inside so we wouldn’t disturb the neighbours too much (the host’s have only recently moved into this house, and didn’t know them too well). To be fair, we were a bit noisy, singing along very loudly to Abba tracks while boogieing on down. However, around 11.30 there was a knock at the door, and one of their neighbours politely asked said, “If you don’t turn the music down I am going to call the police. This is a quiet neighbourhood.” Arsehole. If he had asked once, politely, and we had carried on then this would have been a reasonable request. But he didn’t. Had he asked politely, he would have got the same response (we switched off the music and headed off to the pub), but in the process he also managed to piss us all off!

We get to the pub, and 6 of us just head on in. While we are threading our way through, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It seems the host had been stopped from coming in because he was wearing shorts, which is somehow inappropriate in such heat. So we all started threading our way back, only to find that the ‘bounder’ had had a change of heart, realising how many people would end up leaving (only 10 of us, but seems he valued his job).

The pub had a pool table, so one guy A puts money down to play. Him and his girlfriend play this incredibly annoying bloke me and M christened ‘Dancing Boy’. He loved himself so much it was painful. He was wearing tshirt so tight it looked sprayed on, and you could have hung my handbag off his nipples. It was tucked into immaculate black jeans, which he kept wiggling at the slightest provocation, and mostly in time to the music. Annoyingly, him and his girlfriend managed to beat A and his girlfriend, but said they could stay on to play the next game.

Later, A and SE decided to partner up, against Dancing Boy and his new partner, who M and I christened ‘Crocodile Dundee’. M and I had a long and intense discussion about who was the most irritating of the two, which we hated most, who was the biggest wanker…. and so on. None too quietly either.

SE, I was disappointed to see, was crap at pool. I thought it was in the genes for an American?

SE and A lost. SE was *very* disturbed when Crocodile Dundee told him that it is an Australian tradition that when you lose at pool you have to get naked and run around the pool table, but as it was his first time, he’d let him off. SE has now sworn never again to play pool while he lives in Australia. Bless!

We shared a taxi back to the city, where SE and I headed off yet again to the kebab house. By this stage I was adamant I didn’t want food, but I am sooooo glad SE insisted I eat, I’d have had a very bad head in the morning if I hadn’t eaten.

At one point when we were walking over a bridge, there was music playing (I have no idea where in the city we were, no idea where the music was coming from either) when suddenly the track switched to “Eye of the Tiger”. SE excitedly decided he was Rocky.

Then I got my flash to work.

Here, I have no idea what he was doing - not very threatening, I think I could have him in a boxing match! Still, shows how pissed we really were.

Last Thursday I lay on Bondi Beach, and waded in the sea.

This morning I had to leave the house early to scrape the ice of the car.

I wish I could say it’s good to be back.

She is driving me mad!

Parents brought her down on Saturday (that was nice, when I am knackered from my trip back, no chance for any sleep, just because my mom needs Sunday and all day Monday to pack for her holiday on Tuesday). She is such an absolute darling. I would post pictures, but am too pissed.

For which I blame LELI.

God, he is such a sweety.

He booked a meeting with me and ONB this afternoon at 3.30. Only ONB wasn’t in today (it’s his birthday, baked him a cake tonight, madeira, I don’at have any cocoa powder to make him a chocolate cake). I did email LELI to tell him this. Come 3.30, I am still frantically printing stuff off to take to the meeting, thinking LELI will come get me. At 3.35, I go over to his desk. HE’s not there. I go back to my desk, try and find if he’s booked a room. I find he’s booked the meeting room in the canteen. I head downstairs. I come out of the lift to find LELI waiting to get into it, after he’s been waiting for me for 10 minutes downstairs.

We go to the meeting room. We talk about what he wants (and how he has got dumped with something no-one but the stupid Z wants, a nice little front end based thingy, that neither me nor ONB want cos we prefer to get stuff ourselves, and LELI doesn’t weant to do it either knowing no-one will use it), and turns out he has everything but 4 variables, which he thought would take ages to derive. I tell him there are flags available, he just has to pull them.

So we spend 20 minutes chatting in the meeting room. Not even a pretence of work. He tells me about his ’square up’ with one of the arse-holes at a football match - totally different story from the one I got at lunch yesterday from the guy who was squaring up to him. But as he’s an arsehole, I belive LELI.

Anyway, got a text from him tonight - cold and a bad day i’ve decided i can drink a glass of wine. I wish i had grappa! are y ok?

I was being good - waiting for dinner to cook (lamb with tatoes, only taking a long time cos the cake had to be cooked on low), and he *tempted* me into opening a bottle of wine.

I only planned on having one glass.

Maybe two.

I’ve had the whole bottle.

His.

Not done much the last few days. Thursday afternoon I went into the city, and spent half an hour in an internet cafe checking email. Then I wandered up the main shopping street, but didn’t buy a thing. Headed to Darling Harbour where I had a mineral water in one of the pubs. Then I wandered over to the other side, where I had an enormous ice-cream.

Then sat on one of the benches for a couple of hours, reading sometimes, but mostly doing nothing but staring at the water, and watching people go by. I can’t remember the last time I did nothing, it was very relaxing.

SE came to meet me, and we went to a place on the water for dinner. It was the best meal I had had so far. Then we went to a pub for a drink, where once again we sat talking forever. Talking with SE 2 hours can flash by in what seems like 20 minutes. Then we headed home on the bus.

Friday I slept all morning (in my defense I am on my period and have been taking 2 pain killers first thing, they knock me out). SE was having furniture delivered between 8 and 9 am. However, at 7.07 his buzzer went. I wasn’t happy.

I made SE some breakfast (how domesticated), then after he’d gone to work (laughing hard at my “Have a nice day at the office dear,” he is so easily pleased!) I went back to bed!

Got up, showered, went to a small cafe along the street for a sandwich, then a trip to another small supermarket for more essentials. Sat in SE’s apartment reading.

SE sent me a text saying he’d be home before we went out, but at 5 I got another saying for me to head into town and meet him outside work at 6.30. Then, while I was waiting for the bus into the city I got another, telling me he was already in the pub and to meet him there.

Met with another of his work colleagues, J, who looked remarkably like a taller, thinner version of Big G. Had quite a few beers.

When we left, SE suggested food, and was extolling the virtues of this great meal to eat when you are drunk he had found, and suggested I might like to try out a donner kebab. Bless. To be fair, it was a pretty good kebab (mind you, aren’t they all when you’re drunk?).

It was raining when we left, yet SE still wanted to walk. I made him get the bus. We went to another pub for a drink, until suddenly it was kicking out time. How time flies……

Completely slept through SE getting up and getting ready for work. Poor thing, he has to go to work while I stay home. I could get used to this life!

Found the local supermarket, next to several cafes and eating places. Turns out 3 of them were in the good eats guide, including the one I had the grilled chicken sandwich at. Ate it outside, where I sat with my book open, but spent most of the time just people watching.

Bought some cheese and bread, and fizzy pop. The essentials!

Walked back to the apartment in the heat, where I actually considered sitting on the balcony and sunning myself. In the end I just got undressed and fell into bed. The hours afternoon nap I planned turned into 3 hours of fast asleep. Was just showered and dressed in time for SE getting home (damn my bad timing!).

We went to a local pub for dinner, then we planned to head off to another for more drinks. In the end we stayed in the same pub - and only had two drinks, yet staying there until 11.30. The time was spent just chatting and chatting - time passes so easily when we talk, it’s so nice.

There was another American in the bar with a French woman and an Australian bloke. He was so full of shit, trying to impress these people. I didn’t want to say anything, in case SE thought I was getting at all Americans, but when we moved from the food bit to the bar, he mentioned it himself.

We also talked about the night out we had in New York where I got invited to a swingers party. There was me, SE and N meeting up with T and L, T being a friend of N and L being his fiancee. T and L were very open about where they were going, and then L looks me right in the eye and says, “You should come, I am sure you will enjoy it.”

In a very quiet voice I replied, “No, but thanks for asking.”

“Why not?” persisted L.

In an even smaller voice, “Because I’m scared.”

SE almost pissed himself. “Hell, I knew if you were scared, I sure as damn wasn’t going!”

Much as I wish I was back in Australia, I realised today how much I have missed LELI.

Last night I got a text from him -

Hi, smile tomorrow you’ll share the fun of being in the office with us! washing up into the washing machine disaster!

Huh? I replied, asking what had happened? I thought maybe there was some funny story about the cleaner putting all the dirty dishes into the dish washer at work. He never replied.

This morning I went to see him, only he wasn’t at his desk. I asked around a few people, trying to find out what had happened to the dish washer. Nobody knew anything.

This afternoon I found him at his desk, and he gave me a really welcoming grin. We chatted about the holiday, and K who sits nearby who has visited Sydney joined in. Then I asked LELI what he meant about the dish washer. He gave a very embarrassed giggle.

“I went for a walk on Sunday in a very muddy field. My trainers got very dirty, so last night I put them in the washing machine. Only I didn’t have any washing powder.”

“Oh no, you didn’t……………”

Giggle. “Yes, I put washing up liquid in the machine.”

K and I dissolved into hysterics. “God, your flat must have been completely full of bubbles?”

“Not too much, I have done it before with a dish washer - which I broke, it could never be used again - so I knew not to put too much in.”

Bless. The man is a mathematical genius. But has no common sense.

Text received about 5 minutes ago -

Pleased to see you today.

Awwwwww.

Evil looking ibis….