I have finally figured out why Mister wasn’t coming home every day.

About 2 weeks ago, I went into the kitchen around 8.30 in the evening. Madam asked to go out, so, as I usually did, I called for Mister. Waited a few minutes, but no sign of him, so went back inside. This time, however, I stayed cooking in the kitchen. After about another 5 minutes, I could hear this awful howling coming from the garden.

Assuming it was one of the many cats in the area with whom Madam has disagreements with, I glanced through the back door.

No. It’s Madam standing between the door and Mister. He’s trying to get past. Every time he tries, she whacks him over the head. He is howling.

I went out to save him.

It seems Madam has been stopping him from coming home - maybe even telling him to not bother coming home. Me saving him seems to have reassured him that I do, in fact, love him, and I do want him to come home.

I’ve seen him every day since then.

It’s a bloody fine line though - can’t make too much of a fuss over him, in case Madam gets jealous again and fights him off.

Having said that, last night just as I was going to bed I could hear a dreadful cat fight going on out the front. I leaned out of the window, to try and see what was going on - assuming really it was Madam up to her tricks with Mister yet again. Of course, no contact lenses in, it was dark, I couldn’t see a bloody thing.

I go downstairs, put on the porch light and open the door. Mister is sat under next doors car.

“Are you alright sweety? Who are you fighting with?”

At this point, Madam appears, and goes toward him. Oh no, I thought.

Silly me.

She goes up to him, and they touch noses. All very friendly. This is weird.

Mister comes running to me, rubs against my legs, but obviously doesn’t want to come in. He goes to sit on the drive in front of my car, while Madam also comes for a stroke. She then goes to Mister again, and again ‘kisses’ him on the nose. Then she goes to the front of my car, hunkers down, and starts growling.

Well I never. It seems there was another cat. I can only assume it was fighting with Mister, and Madam, after checking Mister was okay, then went on to help him fight the battle.

I didn’t stay up to see the outcome, but I left them with Madam at the back of the car, and Mister at the front. I pity the poor cat that was hiding there.

Was at lunch today, and my friend S joined me.

Now, S is really nice, and I get on really well with her, but sometimes she can be, well, dumb!

We have previously had conversations where she has freely admitted her geographical knowledge of GB is pretty crap - she thought Leeds and Birmingham were right next to each other for a start.

I was talking about my holiday - I have a week off work soon, and can’t decide whether to go away or not. I mentioned that getting local flights is both expensive, and also restrictive in where to go. I said that most of the cheap holidays are usually out of Gatwick. She asked why didn’t I fly from Gatwick.

“Because it’s a long way away. Would you give me a lift to get there?”

“Course,” she answered, “anyway, it’s not that far is it? West London.”

I looked at her. I laughed. “No, that’s Heathrow.”

“But Gatwick and Heathrow are right next to each other.”

At this point I thought she was winding me up. However, she thought I was the one winding her up, when I told her Gatwick was about 30 miles south of London.

“No it’s not. It’s most definitely next to Heathrow. I know, because I once went from one to the other on the Underground.”

I am just looking at her in amazement. “No, that’s Terminal 4…..”

“No. It’s not. I know Terminal 4 is separate, but Gatwick is there as well.”

By this time tears of laughter are running down my face.

“Seriously, Gatwiick is about 30 miles south of London, and about 30 miles north of Brighton.”

“Now I know you’re winding me up, because Brighton isn’t that close to London,” she declared.

I am hooting with laughter.

“So where do you think Brighton is?”

“It’s by the Isle of Wight. It’s far too far away from London for anyone to commute”

“I can assure you it is almost due south of London, about 60 miles from the centre, and definitely commutable. I used to live there. I used to commute.”

“You’re lying.”

She was adamant. Even showing her Google maps she refused to accept it.

Bless. She’s special.

Went to see a solicitor yesterday morning. She says it should go through fairly easily, seeing as neither of us want anything from the other. She will reply to the Sheriff’s office.

I haven’t heard a peep from X since the text fight.

I sent him an email (along with everyone else who sponsored me) about my swimming. He hasn’t bothered to reply.

He is, however, engaging in many text conversations with my mother and my nephew, regarding the football.

I shall be glad to be shot of him to be honest - need to put him way behind me.

Well, turned down (very nicely, I felt) the job which has been ‘regraded’. Problems are budget apparently - we both knew I would be doing a management job, but just not getting the pay nor recognition for it. Apparently, H (the would-have-been boss) also spoke with my friend K today (who already works in that team - LELI’s boss) about me, and he came over to tell me that H had done everything he possibly could to get it upgraded back to manager level, and he just couldn’t do it.

However.

I was actually interviewed for two jobs - one of which hadn’t actually been advertised at that time, but was available, and the manager there certainly seemed keen to have me. I spoke with him Monday, and apparently the grading of that job hasn’t been agreed yet, but when I told him I had turned H down, and if his job was going to be a level 4 I would definitely be interested, he got very excited. I should know what level the job will be in the next few days.

I also trawled the vacancies page.

One job, very similar to what I am doing now, for one of our partners. Six month secondmend though. And unfortunately in Edinburgh - far too close to X.

One job which is in a different department completely, but I could do it. Unfortunately based in North Yorkshire. Even more unfortunately, Arsehole A has just got a job there, and sent me an email today saying “I insist you get a job here, so that I have a friend to talk to”. He seemed to think I was joking when I sent the reply “Friend? What made you think I liked you?”

I call him Arsehole A, but he rang me yesterday, saying he had been speaking with one of the bosses in Yorkshire. There is a manager job coming up working for her. I know her very well - have worked on a lot of projects with her. The job is again very similar to what I do now. I rang her. She didn’t sound very surprised to hear from me, and she has sent me the job description, I have sent her my CV. The problem here is that it is far too close to my pussy cats previous home - they might run away!

And. As a treat. I have bought myself an MP3 player. Yay!

From: I am me, Woman
Sent: 12 June 2006 10:12
To: Mate, Your Loss
Cc: Boss, Your Idiot; Boss, My
Subject:

Your Loss

Following on from our discussion regarding the Level 4 Manager post I was interviewed for, and you have offered me a Level 3 post.

On reviewing the job description, I am sure you are aware that I have experience of every aspect of the post, when advertised as a 3/4 (depending upon experience). Now that the post is downgraded to a level 3 only, I am assuming that the role will not cover so thoroughly all the requirements stated. This would suggest that I am overqualified for a level 3 role, and I would not actually be learning anything new in this role.

Whilst I am pleased that you have offered me this opportunity, I regret to say that I will not be accepting the offer of the level 3 role in your team.

I would hope, should there be a level 4 position in the near future you would still consider me.

Thanks,

Woman

I Am Woman Me
Already a Level 3, shove it mate, not going to do a Level 4 job for you at Level 3 rates

Sometimes he is so cute it hurts!

LELI - just arrived home. Good day but tired.

Me - I am tired too - it’s too hot to sleep. Glad tomorrow is Friday. Spoke to your bossman, nothing definite, but he asked my salary!

LELI - It seems promising.

Me - I too can be a member of your team and be a geek!

LELI - We are not, or at least I am not, a greek! Lovely evening, but now gotta study.

Me - Greeks, romans, what is the difference?

LELI - What? geek, not greek.

Sitting in the garden, sun cream rubbed in, pussy cat sitting guard under the chair (unfortunately though, guarding me from the other pussy cat, who she chose to jump on every time he set foot into the garden), Ivor chimes from my phone.

Fancy sitting guard on a van while I load it?

Well, I suppose there are worse things than guarding Andy’s possessions from any thieving public - besides, I can still sit outside. I thought.

Simple guard duty turned into two hours stood inside a transit van, trying to fit Andy’s possessions in, like a jigsaw puzzle without a picture. When it was almost all loaded (and after I had refused to help him carry his TV down 2 flights of stairs), another friend turned up.

We finish loading the van (after eating choc ices, of course), and head off to the storage place.

Now. I wouldn’t normally mind, but as we left I asked Andy if he had all his keys. “Are you sure?” I asked, as I pulled the door closed, and we headed off back downstairs.

It wasn’t until we had loaded 3 large trolleys, and pushed them up to the lock-up allocated to him, that he stops. “Whoops. You’re not going to believe this, but I have left the padlock key back at home.”

Sigh.

So, half an hour stood guarding possessions, only this time inside the storage place. No windows. No air. We didn’t even have any guns so we could play some sort of army game, running around hiding, and then shooting each other. We talked about it though.

Finally Andy turned up, and then I spent another 2 hours playing the jigsaw game with the same boxes, only this time fitting them in to the storage space.

God knows what he would have done had we not turned up to help. When I arrived early afternoon, Andy was there on his own. There was no way he could have packed all that stuff on his own, and then unloaded it the other end.

He still had more to do, but by this time I was hot, sweaty, irritable and *very* smelly, so I headed home.

Tapas on you, then, Andy!

I had a brief word with one of the manager’s who interviewed me the other week in the kitchen this afternoon. His words were, “Things are looking good for you for that job. Obviously, we have to wait for the other manager to come in, to make an official offer….” He then went on to praise me, saying they have been interviewing others, who seem very good, but don’t have the experience I have, and how he wishes they had two Women from which to choose.

God, does the ego good, that.

Anyway, I went back to my desk, and emailed LELI - “Have you got 5 minutes?”

A couple of minutes later, he comes over to my side, and I stand up to go and talk to him, and he waves me down. ” I will be back in a minute,” and wandered off.

When he comes back, we go into the kitchen and I tell him my news. He is pleased.

He then goes on to explain where he went to. Looking very embarrassed, “I just went to apologise to K. I took C over to talk to her earlier, and I said to her, ‘K, can I borrow you for a minute?’ C told me I should not say that, it sounded like I am going to use her.”

I laughed. “LELI, there is nothing at all wrong with saying ‘Can I borrow you’, we say it all the time. C is American, you have to remember that, and they know nothing about colloquial English - even less than you Italians”.

Bless. He was really worried he had offended K, when in all reality she probably didn’t even register what he had said.

Had a whole series of dreams last night, all very weird. These are the ones I can remember.

1. I was in an airplane with Pob, only he was the pilot, and I was sitting next to him. He was laughing maniacally, telling me to buckle up, this was his first time flying, as he was heading down the runway. I was petrified.

2. Pob also appears in dream number 2, where we were on holiday with my sister and some female friend of hers. Where we were saying was at the top of one of those school climbing frame structures, only instead of 6 feet off the ground, it was several hundred feet. I was clinging with a deathlike grip to the frame, while everyone else was hopping on and off the frame onto the ‘rooms’ which were about 3 feet away from the frame, with a sheer drop between.

3. I was at some sort of wedding, or other big function. I didn’t know anybody there, and was wandering through all the rooms, chatting to people. It was a very long structure, made up of a series of small rooms, full of ladies in big hats.

4. This may have been an extension of the previous dream, but I needed the loo, and asked someone where the nearest one was. They gave me directions, and when I got there it was just a 3 sides brick structure about 4 foot high, with a wooden ’shelf’ about halfway down it, with a hole in the middle. I decided I would wee standing up, rather than sit on that thing, so lifted the wooden shelf up on it’s hinges and stood over the hole.

5. Again, possibly related to dream 3, I had been attacked (possibly raped, thankfully I was spared the details in the dream) in one of the small rooms, and I knew who it was. So, Em and Rosa came with me, and we went looking for the guy who did it. We went into this very grand building, with wide corridors and marble floors. We asked the doorman the way to this guy’s room, and we walked up this very grand stairway. When we got upstairs, this guy was about to go into the lift down, so Em used his special powers to ‘break’ the lift, and we grabbed this guy and took him back into his room. We also broke the door, and I was worried that people walking past could see us tying him to a chair, so was looking for a blanket to hang over the door frame.

Hmmm. Think I might have something on my mind?

Me at 09:18 - Great birthday surprise. Thanks.

Now, normally when texted he responds straight away. Not so this time.

X at 18:21 - I take it you got something in the post. I did warn you that you might get something soon. Sorry it came close to your birthday.

Me - what the fuck did you think signing it on 1st? It actually crossed my mind earlier in the week, but I thought even you couldn’t be that thoughtless. I should know by now.

X - I didn’t expect anything to turn up with you 2 days later. Ive not received anything.

Me - But it never crossed your mind to text/email me thur or fri to mention it. You have surpassed yourself this time.

X - I didn’t want to tell you on your birthday. I wasn’t expecting anything to be sent to you yet.

Me - What? Telling me on my birthday wasn’t nice? But getting me out of bed 4 recorded delivery the next day is? You just didn’t want to, because it was hard to do.

Me - Same old same old. It’s unpleasant, so you ignore it until it’s too late.

X - I did not know that was going to happen. I’m really sorry.

Me - Like I said. Same old same old.

Sigh. I am angry with him for not thinking to mention it to me. But I guess I am more angry with myself that I still haven’t learnt. I mean, this is exactly the sort of behaviour that caused us to break up in the first place.