Fear
Weeks we’ve been dancing around each other. Lots of texts, some phone calls.
Of course, there is a lot of baggage - and recently been finding out there’s more than I first thought. It’s almost like encouraging a kitten that’s been kicked too hard and too often.
The more time I spend with him, the more I find we have in common. This scares me, because this has happened before, and early on you always do see that, because it’s what you *want* to see. So I can’t tell how much of it is for real.
The trip to BP the other week - 13 hours non stop contact with someone - I know for a fact I couldn’t spend that long with LELI, much as I love him to pieces - we got on so well.
Yesterday, meeting for coffee, spending hours in Starbucks, then wandering through town, catching sight of some exhibition in the museum, and spending another hour wandering around there.
Today I surprised my mom with a visit for Mother’s Day. I know he was taking his mother out for lunch. I texted him when I got back, asked him how his lunch had gone. “I’m still on the piss with my mum!” I replied, “I like the sound of your mum!”
The phone then rang, it was him. However, when I answered, there’s a woman, laughing. “He’s just run away now…..” “I guess that’s mum I am talking to?”
She is very drunk. She has invited me down to the pub, says I am to turn up, not tell him, surprise him, then take him home and “look after him”.
I wouldn’t turn up without him knowing. I guess I am just not that confident. Plus, like I said, he is more damn scared than I am.
BUT….. he has obviously been talking to his mother about me. Enough for her to want to invite me down the pub. When I sent that last text, he passed his phone to his mum for her to ring me, even if he did run away to the loo/bar/have a fag. He came back, and spoke briefly, then it sounded like he hung up on me. He is now not answering my texts.
God. So confused. So scared.