I am off to the south coast, to spend the weekend with D *grins* (sorry AW, but you know how it is……).

I am hoping to be braver this time. Plus I think he is definitely less, raw i think was the word I used last time. Although it will be on his turf this time, turf he shared with her, so things may be difficult.

We shall see. Whatever happens I know it’s going to be fun!

I went on my first diet when I was 16. I weighed 9 stone. I lost half a stone in 2 weeks by basically not eating very much at all.

I celebrated with a large portion of fish and chips from the cippy.

4 months later I went on my second diet. I weighed 9 and a half stone. I did the same diet, and lost half a stone in 2 weeks.

Again, I celebrated with a large portion of fish and chips.

Despite actually being the weight I was when I went on the first diet……

Of course, a few months later, and I was pushing 10 stone.

And so it went on.

I really do believe in the ‘diets make you fat’ thing. Well, I guess it’s not the actual diets, but the whole diet mentality thing. The deprivation - because that’s what it is. It’s you constantly telling yourself in your head, “You can’t have that, you can’t have that.” And when you do cave in (note I said when, and not if), then you have the “You are weak, you are stupid, you couldn’t even keep from eating that, well, might as well just give up, what a failure you are,” going on in your head.

So, about 10 years ago I gave up dieting. Just decided that it was doing me no good.

I can’t say I am especially thinner, healthier, etc, but I can say I am happier.

I can also say that I no longer have the binges that I used to, of the things that I “shouldn’t” have. It took a long while, but eventually things do get into perspective - instead of being the food you can’t have, so you think about it all the time until you just stuff yourself silly with it, it’s now the food you can have if you want it, whenever you want it.

And therein lies the key. Learning to know when you do actually want it.

The best time for me was when I lived in America - yes, the land of huge portions, of deep fried everything, of “do you want fries with that?”. Because they also had options. Because in most restaurants in America, ordering a salad is a pleasure. You get nice freshly chopped vegetables, great choice of dressing (and of course you can have that on the side madam, we don’t have to swamp it all over your plate). You don’t get the bog standard iceberg lettuce (when are people going to wise up to the fact that actually, this isn’t a lettuse, it’s a cabbage?), cotton wool tomatoes, tasteless cucumber, and if you’re lucky, a slice of watery onion, all sliced about a week ago, and stored in an artificial atmosphere until the day before you order it, so it’s extra tasteless.

Also, should I choose to have a big fat plate of something in America, then I don’t have to eat it all. This was one of the hardest things to get my head around - after years of being told, “You have to finish what’s on your plate,” and “Don’t waste anything,” it’s difficult to realise that you are not actually epxected to finish it all. It is not just acceptable, but pretty much expected you will ask for the remainder of your meal, “to go”, so you can reheat it and have it at your leisure.

I guess the fact I didn’t have a car, and had to walk everywhere also contributed.

Anyway, I digress.

One of the ‘helpful hints’ you often get in diet magazines is, “Are you really hungry? You are probably just thirsty, try having a drink instead.” Of course, I tried this.

And my drink of choice?

Diet coke.

Now, there are an awful lot - and I mean bloody loads - of fat people who drink diet coke. A lot of diet coke too, not just the odd glass when they’re out.

At times, there have been days when all I have drunk has been diet coke. I have noticed the ‘fat people drink it’, and been aware that it’s probably not helping, but boy, I so enjoy the taste, the bubbles, how it feels good on a hot day to down an ice cold diet coke……

A couple of months ago I was watching a tv show about something or other - part of it was following a bunch of blokes on a stag do trip to somewhere like Spain. They were monitoring what was actually happening to them with their eating and drinking habits, and how it affected their bodies.

Of course, there were several drunken nights (and days), and the inevitable discussion ofhangovers, and what causes them, and what’s the best cure.

One of the presenters said something which, although I knew on an intellectual level, had never actually made the connection as to what it really means.

“Alcohol is a diuretic. This means you will pee out more than you take in, leading to dehydration.”

Of course, I knew diet coke was a diutetic, but I had never made the connection before. I will pee out more than I take in. How will that work? And won’t that mean I am always dehydrated? How can I be dehydrated when I drink such a lot of diet co…… oh, hang on, Iittle stars going off in my head.

So, I have cut down on my diet coke consumption. Not given up - not yet anyway, but cut down drastically from drinking around 5-6 cans a day, to one, maybe 2. And drinking squash. I have actually been drinking more fluid - when at work I can easily drink 2 pints of water/squash, versus the 1-2 cans I would normally have had. And get this - I am not peeing as much. I expected I would pee loads, drinking more water. But no.

Then, this last weekend I have been full of cold. Really feeling sorry for myself. So, between the odd cup of hot blackcurrant (thanks to my local farmer Bryan, actual proper blackcurrants, spoon of sugar, boiling water on top, absolutely delicious!), I comforted myself with diet coke. And only diet coke.

Sunday night I did not sleep well at all. My throat was so dry - not a cold sore throat, but a dehydrated one. I could feel it - my eyes were dry (my nose definitely wasn’t - how can one person produce so much snot?), my throat was dry, even my skin felt taut. I had to get up and drink a big glass of water.

So, there you have it. Not exactly scientific. But I am definitely going to try and cut down from the one can a day, try and have it only very rarely.

Went to the loo today, and as I sitting there, happily peeing, I glance into my knickers.

There, curling into a question mark shape, was a grey pube.

Oh god, I am not that old surely?

“You sound awful,” I was told yesterday.

“I know, I can hear it. I have a bit of a runny nose too, but I feel fine, none of that woolly headed-ness you usally get with a cold,” I answered.

After work, I went to the supermarket, needing to get some cash, and some cat food. The lights by the cashpoint are dreadful - and even though I’ve been here for 4 years the “which language do you want it in” still throws me. Anyway, managed to negotiate the buttons, ask for £50, put my card away, and head for one of those small trolleys that someone had just thoughtfully left close by.

I get there the same time as this guy. “Is that yours?” he asks. “Well, it wasn’t, I was hoping it would be, no problem you have it,” I said. All terribly British. “No, no, you have it,” he says, and goes to get another.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “What’s that awful beeping sound?”

Bugger it. I’d only left my cash in the machine.

Managed to get to it before it got sucked back in.

But bloody hell. I’ve never done anything so, well, blonde before.

Then I woke up this morning and come downstairs to find I’d left the hall lights on, all night. Not a big issue, but I hardly even put these lights on, only when I come in from work, and if I go and put some rubbish out. So, not only did I leave them on, I can’t even remember switching them on in the first place.

I went into the living room to get something, to find the lamp switched on as well.

Then into the kitchen, to find the curry I had poured from the saucepan still sitting in the plastic tray I’d put it in. On the counter top. With the lid nicely arranged next to it.

So much for my no wooly headed-ness brag!

I am sat here with a tissue shoved up my nostrils, so fed up with blowing my nose and just making myself dizzy. I am gone deaf now too.

Stupid cold. And I can’t even take time off work, because there is nobody else to cover for me. Although not sure how much good I am doing at the office, other than sharing the joy that is my mucus generating nose.

This is the photo taken by the official photographer, and is up there on their web page for all to see…..

Work is doing my head in. I am still working in the office which is local to home - and the woman I work with is really driving me mad.

I hadn’t seen her for weeks until yesterday - I had a week off, then she had a week off, then it was Christmas, then I wasn’t there on Monday (at the base office).

Today I wanted to slap her silly.

There is a project coming up - I was asked how much work would be involved. It is outside my experience, so emailed my boss for advice. He came back saying it was a huge job, and that my compnay would need to quote them on it, and to get her to speak to R. I passed on this message.

She didn’t ring them.

After a week, I asked if again to contact them.

Still she didn’t.

So I rang R, and asked if he could at least give me a ball park figure, otherwise it just wouldn’t move on. He said that the company had done something similar for 2 other companies recently, and it would likely be a 6 figure number.

I passed this on, to be met with, “That’s ridiculous, it won’t cost that much.” How do you respond to that? She asked me how long it would take, I ask the people who know, they say it’s a big job, but somehow she knows better.

This was back in November.

And there is still nothing done. She hasn’t contacted my company. She still wants to “have a go at doing it ourselves” in our spare time, despite me telling her (a) I don’t know how to do it (b) can find no documentation on how to do it and (c) when I ask the ‘experts’ they say it needs to be specced out properly, and paid for as a proper project.

I was off for a week before Christmas, and a colleague from my company was there in my place. During that week they installed some software on one of the spare machines. This is software we have not had before, and have an evaluation copy of. Yesterday she asked me, “What licence key did we apply?” “Erm, I don’t know, it wasn’t me that applied it.” “Well, I need to know.” “Right - didn’t you right it down when you took notes on what you were doing?” She went quiet.

Today, she was obviously going through the ‘notes’ (I type that derisively, for ‘notes’ read the company instructions, with comments scrawled on it like “this takes ages” and “this is not a screen shot”) and she holds up this sheet of paper. “This is a post-installation checksheet, and it looks like we have only ticked some of the boxes. Does that mean we didn’t do it all?” HOW THE FUCKING HELL DO I KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU DID IT WHEN I WASN’T HERE……

To cap it all, today she announced “You have to come in on Monday 19th.” “That is less than 2 weeks away….” “Yes, but you aren’t doing anything, you can swap it with that Friday.” This has been happening a lot, and I spoke to my boss about it months ago, and passed on the message that although we will do our best to accomodate, they really need to give one months notice. And although it is not work, I actually do have something arranged near my base office that Sunday, on the understanding that I would be there on the Monday.

I haven’t been able to speak to my boss today to talk about it. I will speak to him tomorrow, and tell him I am really fed up with it.

No pictures of my tits this time.

Saturday I got an invitation on Facebook from the best man at my wedding.

Completely threw me - although we were friends (in fact I actually slept with him once, before I got together with the ex…….), when we got divorced it just became awkward.

Anyway, we are now ‘friends’, and it doesn’t appear that the ex is on there - god, how awful would that be?